


To Weep is to Make Less the Depths of Grief

by ChibiPanda



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 03:37:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6837598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibiPanda/pseuds/ChibiPanda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.”<br/>― José N. Harris  A Story of Faith, Hope and Love</p><p>Ravi deals with loss in the only way he knows how - and truthfully, he has no idea...</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Weep is to Make Less the Depths of Grief

It was already late, past 3 am, most of the members were asleep having been worn out from their ten plus hour plane ride to California, but not Wonshik.

On a normal day, he would have been the first to fall asleep, filling the hotel room, he shares with Taekwoon, with content snores. Today was different. Before boarding the plane, now nearly twenty hours ago, Wonshik had received a call from his father. His grandmother, who had been living with his parents since he was barely three-years-old, was in the hospital refusing treatment. She had been sick for the last few years, something Wonshik had not shared with his members, and now things seemed to be reaching a peak.

“She’s saying she’s done. No treatment; no revival…”

The words still rang in his mind, as Wonshik sat on the bathroom floor starring at his computer screen; waiting. It had been too late to cancel his schedules, too late to return home. He couldn’t, wouldn’t, have done that to his members, or to their Starlights anyway.

He sighed in frustration, no news, was good news, right? The thoughts seemed to echo across the tiled floor. Of course that was a lie. No news simply meant no change…

Pressure built up behind his eyes and the throbbing headache, likely from stress and lack of sleep, weighed down on him. “What the hell am I supposed to do?” he mumbled briefly, leaning sideways onto the wall. The cold linoleum paneling offered some relief from his pulsing head, but no comfort. He ran a hand through his hair, gripping and tugging a fistful in a last attempt to relieve some of the discomfort.

He toyed, again, with the idea of waking Taekwoon, of messaging Hakyeon, or knocking on the door that lead to Hyuk and Jaehwan’s room, but what could they do. His grandma would still be suffering in a Seoul hospital, he would still be in America, and he would still be letting both his brother and his Starlights down.

Suddenly his phone gave a single vibration, clanking slightly against the bathtub. Wonshik paused, his body trembled as he reached for the now dark device. He held it, tightly, but made no move to unlock the screen and read the message. He already knew. What else could it say?

He could feel his heart pounding in his head, making his ears ring; tears slowly began to seep to the surface as his breath quickened and his jaw tightened in an attempt to keep the blossoming sobs at bay.

He sat there fighting with himself, words slowly began to sputter from his mouth – “it’s okay; she’s not in pain; it was going to happen eventually; it will be alright.” But, nothing felt alright…

With a start, Wonshik stood up, knocking his laptop to the floor. With the ringing in his ears and the pounding in his head only increasing in intensity Wonshik existed the bright bathroom and staggered into the inky hotel bedroom. He felt as though he was suffocating, but his harsh breathing told him otherwise.

Wonshik felt lost, and in a moment of sheer panic and desperation stumbled towards Taekwoon’s sleeping figure. Jaw still clenched, phone still in hand, and tears still stubbornly escaping from his eyes, Wonshik crawled onto the bed next to his sleeping member. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, just that he didn’t want to be alone.

“Wonshik…” Taekwoon’s voice was laced with sleep and slight irritation, with a hush of annoyance he lightly pushed the other away, “why…What’s wrong? Why are you shaking? Wonshik?” sleep was replaced with concern as Taekwoon sat up to get a better look at the younger boy.

Wonshik shook his head and gave a single whimper as he curled in more closely to Taekwoon.

“Wonshik?” Taekwoon’s soft voice broke more of Wonshik’s armor as more whimpers followed, “What happened? Did you have a nightmare?”

Wonshik shook his head again, embarrassed at his inability to stay strong, “Sorry for waking you Hyung.” His deep voice coming out in cracks.

Taekwoon pulled the younger boy back when the latter started to pull away, “No. No, it’s fine. Just tell me what’s wrong. You’ve been acting oddly quiet all day.” In trying to turn Wonshik to face him, Taekwoon noticed the phone, still firmly within Wonshik’s unsteady grasp, and reached for it, “let me put your phone down Wonshik. You are going to break it.”

“No, no…I…I don’t want…” Wonshik stammered pulling back once again.

Taekwoon eyed him carefully, again reaching for the phone. This time, however, he held Wonshik to him in a one armed hug. The phone slipped from the younger rapper’s fingers and into the other’s waiting hand.

Wonshik clung tighter onto Taekwoon once again, burying his head into Taekwoon’s side and steeling himself for whatever was about to happen.

There was a soft ‘click’ as Wonshik imagined the screen light up. He felt the older boy tense, and that was all the conformation he needed. Wonshik broke.

Within seconds he was manhandled by Taekwoon into a full on hug, and felt himself be rocked slowly side to side. His chest hurt, not only was his grandma gone, but he had not been able to say goodbye. He hadn’t visited his family in months, he hadn’t had the energy to call, and he wasn’t even there when she faded away…and now with promotions and oversea schedules he wouldn’t even be able to pay his respects or attend her funeral. On top of everything, here he was, an adult, sobbing, having woken up his exhausted and overworked friend. Why? Because he was a worthless, ugly, ass, and wasn’t even able to handle…

Another weight slowly latched onto Wonshik, interrupting his self-deprecating thoughts, pulling him into another hug. “Hey, it’s okay Wonshikie…shh, Hyung is here. I’ve got you.” It was Hakyeon. “You’re alright. You are alright.” There was another slight shift as Hakyeon repositioned himself further onto the bed. “Hey, Hongbinie – can you grab a cup of water and a damp towel from the bathroom?” Hakyeon asked his roommate who had accompanied him after Hakyeon had received the phone call from Taekwoon.

Hongbin gave a small nod before leaving, then returning only a minute later with Wonshik’s now shut computer and the requested items.

“Wonshik-ah”

Wonshik reluctantly pulled himself away from Hakyeon’s hold to face Taekwoon. Using the pad of his thumb, Taekwoon lightly wiped Wonshik’s bloodshot eyes before taking the damp washcloth from Hongbin and carefully cleaning the crying member’s face.

Once Taekwoon had finished, Hongbin put the cup to Wonshik’s mouth letting him sip for a moment before pulling it away again.

“Sorry,” Wonshik gasped slightly at the end of the word. He felt so guilty. His members deserved sleep, they deserved to rest, and he took that away from them. And for what? Because he couldn’t just accept that his tired, sick, suffering grandma was finally no longer in pain. How selfish was he; tearing his members out of bed; making them worry. “Sorry, I should just…”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Hongbin question was simply, but it set off another wave of tears. Hakyeon once again brought Wonshik into a hug. Hongbin watched the two, obviously upset over both what he said and Wonshik’s reaction to it. “No. I’m sorry…Wonshikie – I didn’t mean to upset you more, I just…we could have…” Hongbin reached out and rubbed circles on Wonshik’s back. Casting worried glances at the two eldest.

Wonshik took a deep breath and separated from Hakyeon’s hold. Sighing guiltily “I just didn’t want to bother you.”

Taekwoon gave a soft annoyed sound once again turning Wonshik towards him and wiping his face with the cloth for a second time. “How long has she been sick?”

“The last few years…it’s been bad for the last six months of so,” he replied with a shuttered breath as he rubbed his nose in embarrassment.

“hmm,” Hakyeon hummed, “I’ll talk to our manager in the morning, later in the morning, and see if we can get you back to Korea.”

“Wha…but what about our schedule and our Starlights…and…I just can’t. I can’t just.”

“Okay, okay, calm down. In the morning we’ll figure everything out. If nothing else we will get ahold of your parents, alright?” Hakyeon smiled slightly running his hand up and down Wonshik’s arm. “Don’t worry about anything but yourself right now.”

“But…”

“Wonshik, why don’t you lay down next to me,” Taekwoon shifted to make room on the bed.

He fully uncoiled from the leaders grasp and laid beside Taekwoon, “I don’t want to hurt the group.”

“You’ve never hurt the group Wonshik. You’re too selfless for that. You always put VIXX before everything else.”

“But, if I leave during promotions,” his voice cracked again, “Sorry I’m being such a baby…”

“You are not being a baby.” Hongbin chastised quietly.

Wonshik sighed.

“Do you want us to stay with you tonight Wonshik?”

Wonshik shook his head, “I’ll be fine, go sleep Hyung. Goodnight Hongbin-ah.”

Hakyeon patted his friend’s leg, “message me if you need anything. Goodnight Wonie. Night Taekwoon.”

***

Wonshik and Taekwoon were left in silence when the other boys finally left the hotel room to return to their own. “Try to sleep Wonshikie.” Taekwoon said quietly wrapping his warm hands around Wonshik’s.

The room fell still and for a moment Wonshik thought Taekwoon had fallen back to sleep, but then he spoke again. “You know, everyone would understand why you weren’t with us. You wouldn’t be letting anybody down.”

Wonshik sniffled, “it wouldn’t be fair to any of you.”

“Wonshik. What would be fair to you?”

The question took Wonshik by surprise, “what?” his voice still rough.

Taekwoon repositioned himself to face Wonshik, never releasing his hold, “You pretend not to be hurt so Starlights don’t worry. You give up individual schedules, schedules you were ecstatic about, because ‘VIXX comes first,’ and you hide your pain so that the people that care don’t feel burdened. Wonshik, how is any of that fair to you?” When there was no answer, he continued, “If you keep thinking that way Wonshikie, you’ll work yourself into the ground. More than you already do. You don’t have to go back to Korea, but at least let us see what our manager can do. Okay?”

“Okay,” Wonshik’s voice wavered and he moved closer to Taekwoon. “I am sorry I woke you up, though.”

“I’m not.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully someone enjoyed it. I feel like it has been forever since I wrote anything...stupid school....
> 
> Author: but-first-they-must-catch-me (Tumblr) | ChibiPanda  
> Length: ~1700  
> Author Notes: Enjoy ^^ Cross-listed (Here/Tumblr/AAF)


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